hello and welcome to my first ever blog, im so excited to be doing this but also very proud of myself that i am. this is a big step to open up about my battle, my losses and my achievements during this tough time of mine. however i am doing this to make this aware that mental health is NOT a joke and shouldnt be seen any different compared to any other physical health issue.
Soo where do I begin, see its very difficult as I have said on my main page, mental health has followed my footsteps since i was just a young Declan. so i shall start right at the beginning, when the first signs started to show of me having something that i wouldn't realise until the age i am now, that this would be with me for probably the rest of my life
i was 6 years old (i know right 6 years old when having my first signs of mental illnesses) At this age everything is so overwhelming just the normal experiences of life can be so much for a kid to take in, but for me i had different things to be overwhelmed with. i started to become very paranoid about anything and everything, every little thing became the biggest challenge of my life at that age. a whole new world had just been created in my mind, and i think what made it worse is that at such a young age your imagination is so huge and diverse anyway that it just made my fears even worse. i started to believe some awful things, my mind was locked on the thoughts that i was going to get kidnapped and taken from my family. someone was going to come through my window during the night and steal me from my bedroom and that my life would be forever changed. this became so serious that i could not walk from my house to my school that was literally 30 seconds away. i was petrified of the world and everything within its boundaries. my routine became hard and upsetting. i would have to make sure that my windows were locked, always checking the front door and making sure it was locked. life for me at that age felt like i was living in a cage. any slight movement brought me to tears, if the phone rang my whole body would freeze.
in reality this was an awful thing for me to experience, and usually when you sleep your dreams become an escape from the harsh reality however my dreams became a constant nightmare for weeks, getting chased down an alleyway being stabbed and put in a van. so not only was my reality a nightmare my imagination became one too.
For me i can now look back on this and see this is where my journey of mental health started. i truly feel sorry for the young boy i was, from the age of 6 to up to about 11 i had this and it was a very difficult time in my life and also my parents life. being that young you dont know the differences between rational and irrational beliefs, so for me it felt like my world was on fire, being around other kids enjoying the beauty of life and friendship and here was me scraping my teeth on my wooden bed just to block out the noise and the awful thoughts i was having. i sit here now at the age of 20 crying to myself realising how painful that actually was for me. and if i could go into the past i would tell myself how proud i am of him and how he is a soldier for fighting these demons. looking back now shows me how much strength that i have within myself to get through awful days and it can show you no matter what age you have the inner strength to get through anything and everything. i didn't think that a mental illness could affect the younger generations, because they are the innocent souls of the world so how could they be burdened with so much fear and pain. it shows that mental health does not tread lightly or thinks kindly, its a painful debilitating disease that can affect anyone, any age any culture, whether rich or poor. it will grasp you in its hands and does not let you go.
but it does not mean you have to obey by it or let it take control, NO WAY, you are in control and you are stronger then what your mind will tell you, the mind is one the most powerful things ever to be created from this universe but it does not mean its your owner.
thank you for taking the time to reading the beginning of my journey, soon i shall be writing another blog on my present situation about dealing with mental illnesses, and i shall be going into more detail about my diagnosis, hopefully these blogs will help you find the inner strength if you are struggling, to get up and fight for yourself.
i send all of you my love and positive spirits.
find your strength
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Dec, well done and very brave thing to do. Hopefully talking openly will help you relieve some of the pain youve put yourself through by boxing it in. Its good to talk. And if you need to, you know my number. Stuart
Admire the courage it takes to put your process on display. Believe me when i say that you doing something as seemingly small as this, shows that you are miles further than most would dare to be.
Much love,
Mike